16409 Chapters
Medium 9781855758209

Chapter Seven: Sailing with Mr. B through Waters of “Hurting Love”

Harriet I Basseches Karnac Books ePub

CHAPTER SEVEN

Sailing with Mr. B through waters of “hurting love”

Nancy R. Goodman

“Oh no, not again” was a constant and loud refrain ringing in my inner psychoanalytic ear as I listened to Mr. B and to the counter feelings in my own psyche. Over his six-year analysis, he taught me about the way he had evolved, and now used, internal scenes of what I came to think of as “hurting love”. They took place again and again, marking their import in his psychic organisation. At times he was the one being hurt and at times he was bringing hurt to others. Fear of annihilation/castration ruled his psyche and the terror about this was avoided and managed with the clarity of an expected sadomasochistic object relationship. The repetition compulsion was alive in regard to constant replaying of someone attacking the other resulting in a sense of psychic death or a state of overwhelming stimulation. Mr. B's special way of getting rid of someone was to find fault and to “x” them out. Both of us suffered often with the sense that a place of disappointment and detachment would appear again and again. His annihilating capacity staved off his own terror about being annihilated. In his inner life a danger signal aroused the desire to get rid of the other as soon as possible.

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Medium 9781855756847

CHAPTER FOUR: Twinship: a unique sibling relationship

Karnac Books ePub

Vivienne Lewin

Twins are siblings of a particular kind. While they share many of the aspects of other sibling relationships, there are other dynamics that make the twin relationship unique amongst sibling relationships. The particular qualities of the twin relationship are the result of two sets of factors:

1. The near identity of chronological age between the twins has consequences for each of the twins developmentally, in terms of both the ever-presence of the other twin in the minds of mother and father, and in the minds of the twins themselves.

2. The practical factors to do with the individual care of each infant. For twins there will always be a juggling of attention by the caregivers as the needs of each baby are taken into account at any one time. Inevitably attention given to one same-age infant at one moment will affect the amount and/ or quality of attention given to the other.

But there are also deeper unconscious issues that affect both the twin relationship and our perception of it. Twins both fascinate and disturb us, and we tend to attribute special qualities to their relationship. I believe that this special interest in twins arises as a result of developmental factors that echo our own earliest longings.

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Medium 9781855754942

“I'm Bored”: Understanding the Lazy Child

Andrea Clifford-Poston Karnac Books ePub

We are born curious—as anyone who has ever watched a baby will know. Even very young babies observe, push and pull their own world in an often furious attempt to learn about it. And well into their first year mothers will declare, with a mixture of pride and exhaustion, “Oh, he's into everything now.“ So in this sense, a lazy child is a contradiction in terms. And yet it is a relatively common experience for playworkers to have to cope with a child who seems unmotivated and disinterested.

Eleven year old Penny was just such a child. She was a rather plump girl, an only child, who had been attending after school club for nearly a year. Her playworkers had become increasingly irritated by her. “She just won't make an effort,” said one. “She just seems bland about whatever we offer her.” Another volunteered “She never does more than the necessary. If you ask her to help clear up she will, but she never just kicks in and helps. It's the same with activities: if we didn't chivvy her along she'd just sit there like a huge steam pudding.”

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Medium 9781782200338

Chapter Nine

Espy, John C. Karnac Books ePub

No bars

The morning after the dismissal, Bar Jonah woke up pleased. Zigzagging his way through the cluttered apartment, he pushed toys and boxes of Christmas ornaments out of the way with his short fat feet, cussing when he caught a long jagged toenail on the straw hair of a doll lying in his way as he walked to the bathroom. Bar Jonah lit a cigarette while he used the toilet, dropping it into the toilet bowl when he was done. Then he shaved and slicked back his hair. After he finished in the bathroom, he went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. He toasted three bagels, and as always heaped them with garlic cream cheese, sat down and read the school lunch menus in the Great Falls Tribune. Getting up from the table, he brushed the crumbs off his podgy belly onto the floor as he walked back into the bathroom. He smiled into the mirror and said to himself, “Montana isn't any smarter than Massachusetts.” The small apartment echoed the resounding belch from Bar Jonah's full stomach. “Compliments to the chef,” he said.

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Medium 9781855753266

9. The process of obtaining a reliable measure for goal-corrected empathic attunement

McCluskey, Una Karnac Books ePub

Introduction

In the last chapter I described an experiment constructed to elicit the dynamics of attachment. I wished to test the hypothesis based on the work of Haft and Slade (1989) that caregivers who were securely attached would be better able to attune to a range of emotion. I had suggested that attunement was necessary for effective caregiving, therefore I was hoping to achieve a positive correlation between a score for attunement and a secure attachment style. I also wished to see whether students could be trained to attune to their clients’ affect and respond with empathy.

Before I could do any of these tests I needed to achieve an independent, reliable score of empathic attunement for each of the twelve students. This chapter sets out the work involved in obtaining such a measure. After almost a year’s work and two failed attempts we eventually achieved a correlation of 0.8 between two independent raters based on the average score of seven 1.5 minute segments of interaction from each of 12 videoed interviews.

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