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Chapter Eight An Overused Word and a Visit to the Dentist

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub


When she saw Josh putting a pencil in his mouth, Amy yelled and ran to take it away from him. A few minutes later the boy picked up a small antique vase, whereupon Amy again yelled, “No!” Josh started to sob; soon he was wailing at the top of his lungs. Amy knew that she had scared him this time, but the vase was a valuable gift from her grandmother. Feeling sorry, she went over to Josh and gently took the vase away from him. After placing it on a high shelf, she turned to Josh and hugged him until he stopped sobbing.

As often happened, an occurrence at her workplace opened the young mother’s eyes.

The next day, Clint was telling the group about his early work with killer whales. “Back then we, mere humans, were trying to tell an eight- to ten-thousand-pound killer whale what to do. Think how silly that is! I mean, there we were, dealing with the top predator in the ocean, and we were trying to tell them no! How nutty is that?”

“Trying to make an animal do something is not that different from trying to make a human being do something. It doesn’t go over well. What is so much more palatable is to ask them to do it—and then reward them for doing it! What is the goal of any kind of leadership or influencing? It’s to have the animal, or person, want to do what you want done, on their own. Back then we had the beginnings of an understanding of that notion, but we didn’t act it out. Our mistakes had really serious consequences. Because of the size and capabilities of these animals, we did get hurt sometimes.

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APPENDIX Resources for Readers

Arbinger Institute, The Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

We hope you enjoyed the book. In this section, we have reproduced each of the diagrams in the book so that you can access them in one place. (Below the title of each diagram we reference the chapters in the book where the diagram is explored.) In a few cases, we present the diagrams in a slightly different form, with appropriate explanations. We also provide some additional thoughts and thought questions regarding each diagram. Following this section, we include two “Going Deeper” sections that take some of the ideas in the book to a deeper level. In those sections we have added for your consideration two diagrams that are not included in the book.

The Way-of-Being Diagram

(See chapter 4, “Beneath Behavior.”)

The Way-of-Being Diagram is formed through a combination of two distinctions. The first distinction is between our behavior and our way of being—that is, between what we are doing on the one hand and how we see others while we are doing what we are doing on the other. The diagram then draws a second distinction within our way of being: we can see others either as people, who matter like we ourselves matter, or as objects that don’t matter like we matter. When we see others as counting like we ourselves count, our hearts are at peace. When we see others as not counting like we count, our hearts are at war.

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Chapter 12. Waiting

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


As Michael approached his fifteenth birthday, he became energized

by the upcoming promise of gifts and cake and maybe a party. His birthday is in February. In November, on a Monday, during dinner time conversation, Michael asked Jim how long it was until his birthday.

“Your birthday will be in eleven Mondays, Michael,” Jim offered.

Jim is an engineer, a scientist, and he can reduce everything to equations and numbers.

I glared across the table. “You’re kidding, right?” I said.

“Eleven Mondays?” Michael piped in.

“No, Michael,” I interrupted. “Your birthday is not for a very long time. Let’s think about something we can do today that is fun, okay?”

“Wait,” Jim said. “Hey, Michael, let’s get out a calendar and mark the eleven Mondays!”

And so they did. Michael had a calendar with the eleven Mondays until his birthday marked with big, red, Xs. Jim went to work for the next eleven weeks and solved engineering problems that are versed in terms and ideas completely disconnected from the daily lives of most folks. I spent the next eleven weeks answering Michael’s daily, sometimes hourly question: Is it Monday? Is it Monday? Is it Monday?

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Chapter 5: Owners, Community, and Volunteers

Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF

Chapter Five

Owners, Community, and Volunteers

Instructors and therapists conduct the actual sessions but facilities, and a lot of support, are also necessary.

A good example of a NARHA center is Rocky Top Therapy Center, established in 1990 by Doug and Vivian Newton, at their Rocky Top

Ranch, Keller, Texas. The center has achieved NARHA premier accredited status, and has grown to annually serve two hundred physically, mentally, or emotionally challenged individuals.

“We struggled to get started,” Doug recalls. “Therapeutic riding was not widely known, to the disabled, or to the community at large, and there were few instructors in the country. We were busy getting educated on the process, giving speeches to anyone who would listen, raising the necessary dollars to make our programs possible, and improving our facilities to accommodate those with special needs. Now we are finding that keeping up with growth is an even greater challenge. Because of our successes, demands for expansion are ever increasing.”

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3. Grandparents

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF

The room was lined with small honey-colored tiles with a sitting place built into the wall. I turned on the faucet and watched the water bubble and swirl down the drain in the middle of the floor. The shower reminded me of a public bath in Japan that I’d had all to myself, since everyone else was soaking in the renowned, spring-fed baths outside. There, the amber tiles of the indoor bath gently descended under the water like a beach face. Steam rose and clung to the tiled walls and ceiling. Mozart piano sonatas unfolded over the sound system as a warm light glowed from a sculpture in the middle of the pool.

Pay attention, I told myself. Life is going to be different now. I took the massaging shower head from its holder, washing the sweat from my hair and the trauma from my skin. I dried off and pulled on a fresh gown. I went to get Sam from the nursery.

Sam and I would sleep together as often as I could claim him from the nursery. He seemed agitated, arching his back when I held him. Seeing that, one nurse suggested keeping him swaddled inside his receiving blanket as much as possible to help him feel safe. If I put him on my chest, the sound of my heartbeat calmed him, too.

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