270 Chapters
  Title Author Publisher Format Buy Remix
Medium 9781574412697


Dan E. Burns University of North Texas Press PDF


Within a few months, Sue’s apartment deteriorated, the second

one she’d trashed. Roaches erupted and multiplied as if by spontaneous generation, hatched from festering food. The apartment smelled like a cat box. Judy refused to do therapy at Sue’s. She brought Ben over to my apartment. “Sue said something about my mother that was so repulsive and hurtful that I can’t repeat it.”

“Oh, that wasn’t really Sue,” I explained, “That was the White


“I’m not going back there.”

Sue didn’t see her apartment as a rattrap; she saw it as a treasure box. She’d dubbed herself the Salvage Queen of Dallas. When an old

Highland Park mansion was scheduled for demolition, she’d sneak into the site looking for collectibles, pull up in her red Ford Escort, branded with yellow-and-green sunflowers the size of basketballs painted on the car. Camouflage, she thought, but it stood out like a circus clown car. She packratted chandeliers, fancy light switches, window boxes, exotic plants, carpets, drapes, and once even ten pounds of wild rice, found in the upper reaches of an abandoned pantry. She made art, kinetic sculptures, wind chimes, hanging mobiles, vases, and planters out of these recovered treasures, and she populated her living quarters with them.

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Medium 9781626564312

PART III From War to Peace

Arbinger Institute, The Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Lou barely slept that night. He tossed and turned as the mistakes of the last thirty years or so played themselves over and over in his mind. Cory was an object to him, he couldn’t deny it. His heart stirred in anger merely at the thought of Cory’s name. But there was a new feeling this night—a desire to be rid of the ache he felt regarding Cory rather than a desire to be rid of Cory himself. He was wanting his son back. Or perhaps more accurately, he was beginning to feel the desire to be Cory’s father again.

Speaking of ache, the pain he felt for banishing Kate was now acute. As he replayed what he had regarded as the mutinous meeting in the boardroom, he heard his words and witnessed his scowl afresh. He had been a child! He couldn’t afford to lose Kate, but his pride had driven him over a cliff and blinded him to a truth he suspected was obvious to everyone else—that Kate, not Lou, was the prime mover behind Zagrum Company’s success. How could I have been so blind! What am I going to do? How can I rescue the company?

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Medium 9781626567276

Chapter Six: Ask, don’t assume

Jana, Tiffany; Freeman, Matthew Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Assumptions are biases that can destroy relationships. Can you remember a time when someone made an assumption about you that wasn’t true? Was it funny? Hurtful?

We all know what the kids say: “When you assume you make an ass of u and me.” It is silly, of course. But as with many lessons learned in kindergarten, it is indeed useful. People do not often enjoy being pigeonholed, labeled, or thought of as one-dimensional. People are complex. Being human is hard. And the more marginalized or unfamiliar your group is, the more challenging it is to navigate the perils of everyone else’s assumptions. Don’t think of assumptions as harmless generalizations—see them for the biases they actually are.

Tiffany recalls a cycle of assumptions that followed her through her educational experiences.

I was often the only black student in a sea of white faces. My minority status was omnipresent and the norm for me. I actually didn’t mind at all until the lessons on slavery or black history came up. Everyone would look at me and assume I was some sort of race expert, even as a child. Maybe they were looking for my reaction—who knows? But I was asked questions about being black and I did not like being put on the spot, as if that was my only identity. Then there was the inevitable arrival of another black student. If it was a boy, everyone assumed that I was going to date him. Or at least they thought that I should date him—because we were both black.

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Medium 9781574412444

1. Favorite Books, Favorite Music

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe University of North Texas Press PDF



Favorite Books, Favorite Music

WE RETURNED TO THE NIMBUS GRAY SKIES of an upstate New York winter with our Christmas bounty, including several new toys for the boys and more winter clothes, something we didn’t collect much of while living in California. Sam received three halfhour videotapes filled with Dr. Seuss books from Mark’s aunt, a West Texas schoolteacher, for a Christmas present. He watched them on Mom and Dad’s video player dozens of times before we left. With one book on each tape, the animators set Dr.

Seuss’s words in motion. Sam’s eyes darted as capital A catapulted across the screen.

“BIG A little a

What begins with A?”

I hoped Sam might see the letter a and recognize the secret code of this squiggly shape: the first sound of “Aunt Annie’s alligator . . . . . . . A . . a . . A.” But at least something literary and artful held his attention for thirty minutes at a time.

We were finding places for the new stuff all around the living room floor, making the flat look like a kids’ house where

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Medium 9781626567276

Chapter One: What is bias and why does it matter?

Jana, Tiffany; Freeman, Matthew Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

If you’re a man, or you have men in your life, here’s some news you can use: grow a beard. Seriously. Men with beards are seen as more trustworthy. Two men advertising the same product, one with a beard and one without, make customers feel differently. The fact is, bearded salesmen sell more stuff.1 Most people would tell you beards on spokesmen don’t sway them, but they’d be wrong. Why? Because our brains have subtle preferences that we don’t even know about. Americans, it turns out, have a pro-beard bias.

As a cultural ally, someone who seeks to expand their understanding of others and use it for good, you probably have a sense of what bias is. Many people know it when they see it, but can’t define it very well. Here is a simple definition to prevent any confusion:

What types of things might a person favor over another? Well, anything really—a person might prefer certain flavors, colors, textures, sports, cities, teams, etc. No one really gets bent out of shape over flavor bias. Tiffany, for example, can’t stand spicy flavors.

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Medium 9781574411621

Suggested Further Reading

Donna S. Davenport University of North Texas Press PDF

Suggested Further Reading


Coping with Loss—Nolen-Hoeksema, S. & Davis, C.G. (1999) Mahwah,

NJ: Erlbaum.

How To Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies—Therese Rando(1991)

NY: Doubleday.

I Can’t Stop Crying—John Martin & Frank Ferris (1992) CT: Firefly


Making Loss Matter—Rabbi David Wolpe (2000) NJ: Penguin Putnam.

Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss—Robert Neimeyer, ed. (2001) Washington D.C.: APA Press

Mending the Torn Fabric—Brabant, Sarah (1996) Amityville, NY:


No Time for Good-byes—Janice Lord (2000) CA: Pathfinder.

Parting Company—Cynthia Pearson and Margaret Stubbs (1999) WA:

Seal Press.

A Path Through Loss—Nancy Reeves(2001) Canada: Northstone.

Roses in December—Marilyn Heavlin (1998) OR: Harvest House.

Understanding Grief—Alan Wolfelt (1992) NY: Taylor & Francis.

Self-Help—Midilife Loss of Parent

African-American Daughters and Elderly Mothers—Sharon Smith(1998)

CT: Garland.

Coping When a Parent Dies—Janet Grosshandler-Smith (1995) NY:


Fading Away—Betty Davies, Joanne Reimer, Pamela Brown, & Nola

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 5. Swimming

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


There is a certain look that can be passed from one mother to an-

other; it is a singular look, and it is saved for specific moments. It is not a pleasant look. It is more like a sneer of contempt. A scoff. The upper lip slightly curls, and teeth are not quite bared—still, the possibility is real that fangs may appear—the eyes redden and then close into razor-sharp slits, and the chin ever so slightly lifts to expose the pulsation of the jugular vein. This look can be seen at Target when another mother’s child pleads and wails like a banshee for a squirt gun. It can be seen at a restaurant when another mother’s child has tossed crumbled saltines over the back of the booth into a dining patron’s hair. It can be seen at a movie theater when another mother’s child moans for Milk

Duds and threatens to hold his breath and then throw up if a box is not purchased immediately. Once received, it is unforgettable, for nothing says “you suck as a mother” better than the look.

Around 1997, when Michael was six years old, I received a variation of the look, en masse, from a sea of females who were simultaneously growling and grunting as they rampaged toward me. Clad in bikinis, one-piece swimsuits and, I think, a sundress or two, they waded—no, they tsunamied—toward me, creating a splashing, cyclonic mess out of the two feet of water that filled our neighborhood baby pool. It didn’t help that I started giggling. No, it didn’t help at all. For this version of the look transcended the traditional telepathic message, transmitted by

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Medium 9781574413335


Kalena Cook, Margaret Christensen University of North Texas Press ePub

Go Confidently with
Expert Encouragement

Ina May Gaskin, C.P.M.

Founder and Director of The Farm Midwifery Center, Author and Founding Member of Midwives Alliance of North America

Spiritual Midwifery, by midwife Ina May Gaskin, inspired the collecting of natural birth stories from women of today for this book.

The Farm’s Midwifery Center delivered 1723 births over a nineteen-year period with an outstanding safety record: zero maternal mortality and only ten neonatal mortalities, three of which being lethal abnormalities. The majority were home births with 4.2 percent in a hospital. Only 1.4 percent of the births were C-sections.

So far, Ina May Gaskin is the only midwife that a birth maneuver has been named after. The Gaskin Maneuver is a position of the mom on all fours—hands and knees—for assisting shoulder dystocia. If a baby’s shoulder becomes stuck during delivery, moving the mom into this positioning allows gravity to open the way for the gentle birth.

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Two The Bedtime Waltz: Establishing a Bedtime Routine

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

THE NEXT MORNING at SeaWorld, the staff and the three trainees gathered at poolside for a demonstration by Clint Jordan, the park curator and head trainer. He began with a warm greeting to the three newcomers. “The staff and I want you to know you are very welcome in our training program.” Cheers and whistles broke out from the group of trainers. “Each of you,” Clint went on, “has survived a rigorous interview and background-checking process to ensure that you are in the right place. I needn’t tell you that you are entering into a job that many people would love to have. In the entire world, only a handful get this opportunity. In fact, there are more astronauts than killer whale trainers.

“Let’s talk about safety,” said Clint. “There is an element of risk in working with these animals, especially with new people they don’t know. Killer whales are the top predators in the ocean. Adult whales can reach lengths of eighteen to twenty-three feet and weigh up to twelve thousand pounds. We have guidelines and emergency procedures in case someone were to jump or fall into the pool with the whales. In our shows we have safety guidelines for the public and for our training staff. It’s imperative that you follow instructions carefully as you get to know these animals.

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Medium 9781576754801


Vargas, Roberto Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Our goal is to develop such connection among family and friends that they see themselves as sharing a “common unity” where supporting each other is desired and comes easily. The most powerful means to foster this connection is by doing conocimiento (sharing conversation to know each other) and applying the Unity Principle. Doing conocimiento is the essential tool we can use to connect people, and the Unity Principle is a formula to help us realize the many opportunities we encounter every day to increase group harmony and power. The intent of this chapter is to deepen your understanding of conocimiento and the Unity Principle toward enhancing your ability to increase family interconnection, unity, and power, and create beloved community.

Think about the times when you and family members are working in close relationship. You coordinate schedules to help each other or share conversations to encourage each other’s growth. In these instances the support flows because there is a feeling of connection. Where does this connection come from? Is it inherent in your blood relationship, does it come from years of experience together, or is it an unspoken commitment you made to each other years back? All these set the foundation and contribute to your relationship, yet the real connection occurs when you take time to meaningfully90 get to know each other. Among Chicanos we call this process doing conocimiento, actively sharing about ourselves to create connection.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 6. Playing

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


The past few years, I have started to type a fan letter, but I always end

up hitting delete, even before I print it out to see how it reads on paper, to see if maybe my words look less creepy on an 8 × 10 sheet graced by sunlight than under the starkness of office lights and the glare of my computer screen.

I’m a middle-aged woman, and I swear that I’ve never written a fan letter to any celebrity. Never. Not to Oprah, not to Baryshnikov, not even to Treat Williams. I admit, I did wax poetic my adoration for

Bobby Sherman on a piece of construction paper spritzed with Love’s

Baby Soft perfume when I was eight years old, and I swooned over the life-size poster of his boyish frame that hung on my closet door. I never sent that red crayon confession of undying worship, though; I think I was unsatisfied with sending my innermost thoughts to a fan magazine and, unable to find Bobby’s personal address, I deep-sixed that loveletter in my flower-power trashcan.

Since that time, I have been consistently unimpressed with the juvenile antics, the self-obsessed posing, the ridiculous salaries, and the self-proclaimed-pseudo-political-expertise of the silver screen jet set.

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Medium 9781574411904


Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF


Adductor muscles: These muscles move a portion of the body toward the midline, such as thigh muscles, which (when too tight) prevent the knees from separating enough to straddle a horse.

AHA: American Hippotherapy Association, Inc., (an affiliate partner of

NARHA), 5001 Woodside Rd., Woodside, California, 888-851-4592, http://www.americanhippotherapyassociation.org.

Anti-cast: A wide, heavy leather surcingle, with a half-moon handle for the rider to hold, cinched over a saddle pad; originally developed to prevent a horse from rolling in his stall and becoming “cast” against a wall, unable to get up.

Asberger’s Syndrome: A high functioning form of autism.

Autism: Mental introversion in which attention or interest is fastened upon one’s own ego, and reality tends to be excluded.

Autistic: Pertaining to or characterized by autism.

Backride: An instructor or therapist rides with and supports a small client whose lack of trunk strength makes it difficult for sidewalkers to hold him upright on the horse. A bareback pad or tandem saddle is used.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 10. Flying

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


For a moment, suspended over an expanse of nothingness, their col-

lective breath only a speckle in the span of totality, my family flew. Of course, I wasn’t with them; I am permanently grounded by my abdomen full of internal adhesions. So, when my family took to the skies without me on a clear summer day in Southern Colorado, it was meant to be a secret. It was a secret for more reasons than just a kindness to spare me any feelings of envy; those motivations would become clearer as the story unfolded. Regardless, I wasn’t supposed to find out—but all covert adventures eventually find a voice. Someone always rats.

Michael, who was fourteen at the time, was the rat of this particular frolic in the wild blue yonder.

“Mommy,” he whispered into the phone from the comfort of a cozy room at a Holiday Inn, “I have a secret.”

Michael, Jim, and Edie had traveled to Cañon City to compete in the Summer Swim Club State Meet. They’d left me home to relax, to find my bearings after a hot, sweaty July filled with physical challenges.

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Medium 9781605093482

A Poolside Chat: Resources for Applying Whale Done Principles

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

DELVING INTO greater detail, this section will help answer questions you may have about the Whale Done approach as you prepare to use it with your own children. While this book has focused mainly on young children, Whale Done also works with older children, including teenagers—and, indeed, with people of all ages—because the approach is based on universal principles of behavioral science. We realize we have covered only a few of the many typical issues parents face. However, if you have been reading between the lines, you realize that Whale Done is an approach that, used with skill, can be applied to virtually any parenting situation. So, whenever you are faced with a parenting issue, think, What would a Whale Done Parent do?

Part of setting things up for success is understanding the concepts that form the basis of the Whale Done method. Following are some definitions of terms used in the book.

A Whale Done is any positive response on the parent’s part to a desirable behavior the child exhibits. It calls attention to doing right and reinforces that behavior. The response might be verbal, tactile (e.g., a pat or hug), or material (e.g., a treat, toy, or Whale Done sticker on a chart).

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Medium 9780253001177

1. Understanding Children’s Clothing

Jo B. Paoletti Indiana University Press ePub


What is the purpose of cultural patterns such as gender conventions in clothing? How do we explain their existence? Do they simply arise out of a need in an earlier time and then continue through mindless transmission? Do they stem from societal structures and conflicts, manifested as material objects and patterns of their use? Or are they responses to those social structures—the way we change them over time to suit our changing environment? Or can our material world be reduced to the embodiment of neural impulses, evolutionary biology, or unconscious fears and desires? Unlike older children, babies and toddlers have little choice in their clothing, which reflects the attitudes and beliefs of adults. Since children are known to acquire sex role stereotypes and begin to fit their own identities to these cultural norms during these first years of life, this is a particularly useful way to understand how gender norms are negotiated, expressed, learned, and changed. It is important that we understand that these supposed “traditions” are of recent vintage and that they represent the culmination of just over a century of dramatic change in what has been considered appropriate dress for infants and small children.

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