270 Chapters
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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Three A-B-C: The Universal Principle

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

A MY ARRIVED at work the following week eager to learn more, as the head trainer, Clint, would be speaking to the trainees again. She spent the morning learning from Jody about the very important matter of the whales’ diet.

As they went about distributing the buckets of fish, Amy said, “I imagine the water temperature is pretty much the same as the ocean would be.”

Jody smiled. “Fifty-two degrees,” she said. “When you get in there, even with a wetsuit, you know it!”

By the time noon rolled around, Amy was glad to sit down with the other trainees for an order-out lunch. As they ate, Clint came out.

“One thing we’re kind of nuts about here at the park,” Clint said, “is the importance of feedback. Most human beings don’t go out of their way to provide feedback. When was the last time someone said to you, ’Hey, I notice you’re doing something that way. Have you ever tried doing it this way?’ On most jobs, people are left pretty much alone when they do things right. The only time they hear about their performance is at some annual or semiannual review. Meanwhile, if they get any feedback at all it’s what we call a gotcha response—somebody caught them doing something wrong.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 10. Flying

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


For a moment, suspended over an expanse of nothingness, their col-

lective breath only a speckle in the span of totality, my family flew. Of course, I wasn’t with them; I am permanently grounded by my abdomen full of internal adhesions. So, when my family took to the skies without me on a clear summer day in Southern Colorado, it was meant to be a secret. It was a secret for more reasons than just a kindness to spare me any feelings of envy; those motivations would become clearer as the story unfolded. Regardless, I wasn’t supposed to find out—but all covert adventures eventually find a voice. Someone always rats.

Michael, who was fourteen at the time, was the rat of this particular frolic in the wild blue yonder.

“Mommy,” he whispered into the phone from the comfort of a cozy room at a Holiday Inn, “I have a secret.”

Michael, Jim, and Edie had traveled to Cañon City to compete in the Summer Swim Club State Meet. They’d left me home to relax, to find my bearings after a hot, sweaty July filled with physical challenges.

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 15. Progressing

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


About two years ago, if anyone had told us that Michael would soon

be gainfully employed and working ten hours a week, with little to no supervision, Jim and I would have appeared decidedly doubtful. I would have bitten my lip and cast my eyes downward, the way I do when I am about to cry because I feel like I am stuck in the middle of a bad joke at the expense of an innocent being. Jim would have crossed his arms in front of his chest and repeatedly cleared his throat, the way he does whenever he gets nervous or is trying to formulate a counterargument. Eventually, one of us would have murmured something to the effect of, “Hmmm. Well. Maybe. We’ll see.”

What we now see is extraordinary. Somehow, between making errant 911 calls about his mean mom or his broken heart, performing sanctioned erotic dances at talent shows, posing as Spiderman, charming his way through school, and figuring out how to be a proper boyfriend/fiancé to Casey, Michael actually got the hang of not only how to navigate, but enter the work world. By the time he graduated from Project Search in May of 2012, he had already been hired by a

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Medium 9781605093482

Chapter Six Chucking the Binky: Ending Dependency on Comfort Items

Blanchard, Ken Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

IT WAS SATURDAY and Amy had to work, so she and Matt decided that he would bring Josh for a visit to SeaWorld. Josh’s eyes became as big as saucers when he encountered, up close, the huge black-and-white forms of the whales during their performance. After enjoying the show, Matt and Josh joined Amy backstage. Most of the staff had met Amy’s husband and child before, and they made a fuss over how much Josh had grown.

Amy asked Kim Lee if Matt and Josh could watch as she and her coach worked with Taat and her baby, Kagan, who was being trained toward weaning. When Amy fed Taat, the mother whale took some of the fish and gave it to her youngster. Kagan pushed the fish around, tasting it and spitting it out. Each time Josh saw the baby whale spit its food, he laughed and pointed.

“It looks like Kagan’s just playing with his food,” Matt said.

“That’s right,” Kim Lee said. “Baby whales start getting their teeth at around three months of age, which is the exact time that the mother whales start to offer the babies small fish. It will be a while before he’s fully weaned. At this point Taat gives him fish to play with. We also help her along, giving the baby fish to help him get used to them. As he gets older, he’ll start chewing on them and eventually will start swallowing them. Soon after that, he’ll be off his mama’s milk and eating on his own.”

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Medium 9781523097821

14 Collusion

, The Arbinger Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“So far,” Bud said, “we’ve been examining the internal experience of someone who’s in the box. But as you can imagine, my box can have quite an impact on others.

“Think about it,” he said, walking to the board. “Suppose this is me—in my box,” he said, drawing a box with a stick figure in it.

“If I am here in my box, what am I communicating to others?”

“What are you communicating?”


“Well … you’re blaming them, I guess.”

“Exactly. And do you suppose other people are generally walking around saying to themselves, ‘Gee, I really feel blameworthy today; I need someone to blame me’?”

I laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“I don’t think so, either,” Bud said. “Most people are generally walking around thinking something like, ‘Look, I’m not perfect, but doggone it, I’m doing just about as well as you could expect under the circumstances.’ And since most of us have self-justifying images we’re carrying around with us, most people are already in a defensive posture, always ready to defend their self-justifying images against attack. So if I’m in the box, blaming others, my blame invites them to do—what?

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Medium 9781574411621

photo gallery

Donna S. Davenport University of North Texas Press PDF
Medium 9781626567276

Chapter Five: Scan to expand

Jana, Tiffany; Freeman, Matthew Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Scan to expand means keeping your eyes open and looking for opportunities to broaden your cultural horizons. This is where building authentic relationships across differences comes into play. Chapter 3 was about in-groups and out-groups. Those often exist intact without any effort. Scanning to expand is about making a deliberate effort to notice individual differences and really pushing the limits of building bridges across them. This is not the time to be colorblind, gender neutral, or to experience the world as a melting pot with everything ending up a gooey, formless, grey blob.

When you enter an event, do you immediately look around for the people you already know and make a beeline for them? Most of us do. There is comfort in the familiar. What we are suggesting is that you deliberately and actively seek out opportunities that will expose you to new people, new ideas, and new places.

Remember contact theory? We designed “scan to expand” in response to the research that tells us we can reduce interpersonal bias by spending protracted amounts of time with people about whom we have known or unknown bias. If you chose to take the Implicit Association Test and identified one or more potential biases, then you should consider scanning your environment for opportunities to work or play in group settings with people who represent the categories you identified as a demographic where you could reduce your bias.

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Medium 9781574411904


Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF


Adductor muscles: These muscles move a portion of the body toward the midline, such as thigh muscles, which (when too tight) prevent the knees from separating enough to straddle a horse.

AHA: American Hippotherapy Association, Inc., (an affiliate partner of

NARHA), 5001 Woodside Rd., Woodside, California, 888-851-4592, http://www.americanhippotherapyassociation.org.

Anti-cast: A wide, heavy leather surcingle, with a half-moon handle for the rider to hold, cinched over a saddle pad; originally developed to prevent a horse from rolling in his stall and becoming “cast” against a wall, unable to get up.

Asberger’s Syndrome: A high functioning form of autism.

Autism: Mental introversion in which attention or interest is fastened upon one’s own ego, and reality tends to be excluded.

Autistic: Pertaining to or characterized by autism.

Backride: An instructor or therapist rides with and supports a small client whose lack of trunk strength makes it difficult for sidewalkers to hold him upright on the horse. A bareback pad or tandem saddle is used.

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Medium 9781576755846

3 Peace in Wartime

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“In June of 1099,” Yusuf began, “Crusaders from the West laid siege to Jerusalem. After forty days, they penetrated the northern wall and flooded into the city. They slaughtered most of the city’s Muslim population within two days. The last of the survivors were forced to carry the dead to mass unmarked graves, where they piled the corpses in heaps and set them on fire. These survivors were then either massacred or sold into slavery.

“The Jews, although not so numerous, fared no better. In the Jewish quarter, the inhabitants fled to the main synagogue for refuge. The invaders barricaded the exits and stacked wood around the building. They then torched it, burning all but the few who managed to escape. These people were slaughtered in the narrow streets as they attempted to flee.

“The brutality extended as well to the local Christians who officiated at Christian holy sites. These priests were expelled, tortured, and forced to disclose the location of precious relics, which were then taken from them.

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Medium 9781574411904


Naomi Scott University of North Texas Press PDF


Bulldogging: A timed rodeo event in which the contestant dives from his saddle to grab the horns of a speeding steer, and wrestles it to the ground.

CanTRA: Canadian Therapeutic Riding Association, P. O. Box 24009,

Guelph, Ontario, CA N1E 6V8, (519) 767-0700, Email: ctra@golden. net, http://www.cantra.ca.

Clonus: A form of movement marked by contractions and relaxations of a muscle, occurring in rapid succession.

Contraindications: Physical or mental conditions which prevent an individual’s participation in an equine assisted program; in general, any condition which renders a particular line of treatment improper or undesirable.

CPR: Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, a procedure including the timed external compression of the anterior chest wall, to stimulate blood

flow by pumping the heart, and alternating with mouth to mouth breathing, to provide oxygen.

DPT: A series of shots containing a combination of vaccines to immunize against diphtheria, pertussis (whooping cough), and tetanus.

EAGALA: Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association, P. O. Box

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Medium 9781574415247

Chapter 12. Waiting

Kathryn U. Hulings University of North Texas Press PDF


As Michael approached his fifteenth birthday, he became energized

by the upcoming promise of gifts and cake and maybe a party. His birthday is in February. In November, on a Monday, during dinner time conversation, Michael asked Jim how long it was until his birthday.

“Your birthday will be in eleven Mondays, Michael,” Jim offered.

Jim is an engineer, a scientist, and he can reduce everything to equations and numbers.

I glared across the table. “You’re kidding, right?” I said.

“Eleven Mondays?” Michael piped in.

“No, Michael,” I interrupted. “Your birthday is not for a very long time. Let’s think about something we can do today that is fun, okay?”

“Wait,” Jim said. “Hey, Michael, let’s get out a calendar and mark the eleven Mondays!”

And so they did. Michael had a calendar with the eleven Mondays until his birthday marked with big, red, Xs. Jim went to work for the next eleven weeks and solved engineering problems that are versed in terms and ideas completely disconnected from the daily lives of most folks. I spent the next eleven weeks answering Michael’s daily, sometimes hourly question: Is it Monday? Is it Monday? Is it Monday?

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Medium 9781576754801


Vargas, Roberto Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Aprimary intention for this book is to provide tools for empowering our families and friends to serve our larger community as love in action, by committing to being family with each other while engaging in cultural and social change. Now that we have reviewed the essential tools of the Familia Approach for connecting, co-powering, facilitating family meetings, and creating experiences that inspire, I offer here several examples of how these tools can be used to support powerful family or community gatherings that aid us in becoming beloved community.

We repeatedly hear the adage that it takes a village to raise a child. This may work for many villages because all members feel responsible for the children in their community; that is the expectation that they hold for themselves and each other. How can we generate a similar feeling among family and friends today? One way is by developing the pact of being family with those we wish to be close with. The following example illustrates the tradition we are evolving to recognize and celebrate the commitment of becoming family in a way that nurtures increased community connectedness. While the strategy is grounded in our Chicano culture, it could be easily adapted to resonate with many other traditions.

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Medium 9781523097821

12 Characteristics of Self-Betrayal

, The Arbinger Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

“To begin with, think about this: When did Nancy seem worse to me, before I betrayed myself or afterward?”

“Afterward, for sure,” I said, his question pulling me back to his story.

“Yes,” said Bud, “and when do you suppose sleep seemed more important to me, before I betrayed myself or after?”

“Oh, I guess after.”

“And when do you suppose other interests—like my work responsibilities the next morning, for example—seemed more pressing to me, before I betrayed myself or after?”

“Again, after.”

Bud paused for a moment.

“Now here’s another question: Take a look again at how I started to see Nancy. Do you suppose that in reality she’s as bad as she seemed to me after I betrayed myself?”

“No, probably not,” I said.

“I can vouch for Nancy,” said Kate. “The woman described up there bears no resemblance.”

“That’s true,” Bud agreed.

“Yeah, but what if she did?” I interjected. “I mean, what if she really was a lazy and inconsiderate person, and even a bad wife, for that matter? Wouldn’t that make a difference?”

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Medium 9781574412697

Going Home

Dan E. Burns University of North Texas Press PDF

Going Home

In September, Ben and I marched in the 2008 Alan Ross Texas

Freedom Gay Pride Parade with our church, Cathedral of Hope.

Marchers wore red, blue, green, or yellow shirts, rainbow colors, and the church’s theme, A Rainbow People, reminded me of The

Wizard of Oz.

As Ben and I waited for the parade to start, standing in the shade of a huge old cottonwood tree and sharing a blue snow cone, I thought about how far we had come, and not come. Two decades earlier we began our journey. Me, the Cowardly Lion, kicking holes in the wall and fearful that I was not up to the task of raising a disabled child. Sue, our Tin Man, rusty with grief. Ben, our Scarecrow with a head full of straw. The Yellow Brick Road is an image of the changes taking place in our lives, our journey, the gifts we have received.

Ben is a work in progress. The full force and fury of the autism storm have passed. Like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, damage is extensive and repair work is underway.

Standing there in the shade, sipping my melting blue snow cone,

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Medium 9781576755846

2 Deeper Matters

The Arbiner Institute Berrett-Koehler Publishers ePub

Lou looked around the room. Ten or so chairs were arranged in a U shape. Lou sat in the first of these. Jenny’s father and mother were sitting across from him. The mother’s face was drawn tight with worry. Blotchy red patches covered the skin on her neck and stretched across her face. The father was staring vacantly at the ground.

Behind them, Elizabeth Wingfield (a bit overdressed, Lou thought, in a chic business suit) was helping herself to a cup of tea at the bar against the far wall of the room.

Meanwhile, Pettis Murray, the fellow from Dallas, was taking his seat about halfway around the semicircle to Lou’s right. He seemed pretty sharp to Lou, with the air of an executive—head high, jaw set, guarded.

The couple just to the other side of Pettis couldn’t have been more in contrast. Miguel Lopez was an enormous man, with tattoos covering almost every square inch of his bare arms. He wore a beard and mustache so full that a black bandana tied tightly around his head was the only thing that kept his face from being completely obscured by hair. By contrast, his wife, Ria, was barely over five feet tall with a slender build. In the parking lot, she had been the most talkative of the group, while Miguel had mostly stood by in silence. Ria now nodded at Lou, the corners of her mouth hinting at a smile. He tipped his head toward her in acknowledgment and then continued scanning the room.

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