83 Chapters
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Medium 9781574411836

Born-Again Jesus

Robert Flynn University of North Texas Press PDF

Born-Again Jesus j

A clandestine group of scientists, even more secretive than the Masonic Lodge, met at the sacred mounds near Chillicothe.

Among them was a Nobel laureate, two who had received

Pulitzers—one in Specialized Reporting and one in Explanatory

Reporting—one winner of the Intel Science Talent Search, two National Medal of Freedom winners, and four Teachers of the Year.

By the third grade they had been the smartest kids in their schools, including the high school. By sixth grade, they were the smartest people in their church, including the pastor. They had won national championships in science fairs, spelling bees and Bible sword drills. They had learned evolution in school and six days times twenty-four hours a day equaled 144 hours of creation in Sunday School. Reptilia in school and subtle serpent in Sunday School, physics and The Rapture.

They believed E equaled MC squared and that glossalalia equaled vision. They believed the first law of motion, that things remained pretty much the same without external intrusion, and that eating everything on their plates aided hungry children in India.

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Medium 9780615928272

Spiritually Cleansing Naked Places

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

play during your visit. And unless you have very identifiable body art, the hat will also ensure that your child’s former preschool teacher won’t recognize you and stop by to show you her new lowerback Luna Moth tattoo.

Always wear big, dark sunglasses. Again, the sun is bright out there in the wild, wild world of naked hot springs. You need protection. You also need those glasses to shield your delicate eyes from so many unwanted soul stares that are guaranteed while visiting the magic crystal lands of spiritually cleansing naked places. They also serve as a softening screen when presented with the many, many pale white asses and tenderly scalded crispy pink buns that come frighteningly close to your face. Bonus: Dark glasses make it possible for you to ogle the rare attractive man or woman lounging near the pool without looking like a total perv.

It is very important to utilize the most basic of manners at the hot springs, like “no peeing in the pool” and “ladies first.” But most importantly, remember not to bend over to pick up your book bag or vegan chocolate treats. And don’t attend any yoga classes sans pants. You wouldn’t like someone else’s puckered starfish or withering junk dangling in your face, would you? Just kneel. Better yet, if you’re hoping to make a few naked friends during your visit, ask someone at ground level to assist you in retrieving your items.

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Medium 9781741795240

Snake Karma

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Linda Watanabe McFerrin has been travelling since she was two and writing about it since she was six. A poet, travel writer, novelist and contributor to numerous journals, newspapers, magazines, anthologies and online publications, she is the author of two poetry collections and the editor of the fourth edition of Best Places Northern California. Her work has also appeared in Wild Places, In Search of Adventure and American Fiction. Other book-length works include the novel Namako: Sea Cucumber and short-story collection The Hand of Buddha. In spite of everything, she is still a great lover of snakes.

The fer-de-lance is an extremely venomous snake. More deadly than a rattlesnake, this pit viper is also missing its genetic cousin’s one redeeming virtue – a warning rattle. It strikes suddenly, and when it bites, it injects a substance that is part neural toxin, part anticoagulant and part digestive enzyme, so that the process of digestion can begin at once. You don’t have long once it bites: a minute, maybe two.

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Medium 9780615928272

Like a Born-Again Almost 40-Year-Old Virgin

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

practice intentionally sex-free lifestyles for even longer. But for me, it is different. I have carried this dark secret like a heavy, forked iron tail through my land of milk and honey, my land of sexual liberation, of casual sex and militant polyamory. Of BDSM clubs, sex parties, sacred sexuality workshops and Tantra conventions.

Being celibate in the Bay Area may be the biggest taboo of them all.

Of course, like most paths I’ve dragged myself down, I didn’t exactly plan to move in this direction. Slimy boyfriends, one fruitless date after another, too many afternoons riding public transportation; it all wore me out. I grew tired of men treating me like some foul thing clinging to the bottom of their shoes. And so many years of choosing substandard men for myself short-circuited my intuition and clobbered what little sense of self worth I had to begin with. I stopped trusting myself. So I have closed up the girly bits shop, slipped on an invisible but highly effective magic chastity belt and dimmed my magical pelvic chakra glow until further notice.

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Medium 9781935362593

Quilt Show

Julia Icenogle Kansas City Star Quilts ePub

Mrs. Bobbins and pals head to the Selvage County Fair for a quilty adventure!

As the deadline approached for the Selvage County Fair, the quilt show night terrors begin to set in.

Quilt Show Panic, Stage Two: The All-Nighter

“Geraldine, when you said you would finish your quilt on the way to the show, I had assumed you’d be further along than that…”

“Hang on, everyone! My GPS just alerted me to a new quilt shop”

The ladies visit the Holy Land.

When it comes to over-buying at the factory outlet, resistance is futile.

“Why, yes, we are here for the quilt show! How did you ever guess?”

“Aren’t you glad we quilted our own name tags? We are really going to stand out!”

“I would complain, but to be honest, I think the low lighting will work to my advantage.”

Mrs. Bobbins subtly tries to influence the quilt show judges.

“Stand back, Geraldine…I’m popping the hatch and this baby’s packed tighter than a black hole.”

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Medium 9781935362593

Mr. Bobbins, Act II

Julia Icenogle Kansas City Star Quilts ePub

Curiousity kills the cat…
err, Mr. Bobbins.

In a moment of weakness, Mr. Bobbins considers reading the quilt magazine, little knowing the power he was about to unleash.

Pattern in hand, Mr. Bobbins takes his first solo journey into a quilt shop.

As it turns out, engineers make good quilters. Who knew?

For Mr. Bobbins, the risk of being discovered was part of the thrill of quilting.

Mr. Bobbins avoids discovery with the old trains-in-the-basement ruse.

A complicated quilt pattern has Mr. Bobbins calling for help. Unfortunately, the hotline connects to his wife’s cell phone.

Mr. Bobbins’ secret quilt is discovered.

The problems of a two-quilter household.

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Medium 9781574411836

The Baptist Sex Position

Robert Flynn University of North Texas Press PDF

The Baptist Sex Position j

Some of the youth giggled when Brother Whatley mentioned

Samuel raising his Ebenezer. Brother Whatley knew right then that they needed to hear the Baptist position on sex. However,

Brother Whatley had a conundrum. He didn’t much like sex.

He was well past forty and if he had ever been interested in what he called “baser instincts” it was before he got married and bought a big screen TV. He liked talking about sex even less. When he said total abstinence he meant no sex before marriage and only when necessary afterwards. Like wedding nights or anniversaries. When he read from the Old Testament, he read “begat” in italics.

He feared that if he talked to the young people about sex, they would smirk the next time he said “begat,” elbow one another when he mentioned Abraham sporting with his wife.

They would wink the next time he spoke of the sinful pride the

Methodists exhibited in erecting their steeple or snicker when he asked the congregation to sing, “Love Lifted Me.”

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Medium 9781741795240

Faeces Foot

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Tim Cahill is the author of nine books, including Hold the Enlightenment, Jaguars Ripped My Flesh and Lost in My Own Backyard. He writes for many national magazines and is the co-writer of three IMAX films, including Everest. Tim lives in Montana with his wife, Linnea, two dogs and two cats.

On expeditions to remote and difficult areas, when conditions can become uncomfortable, if not to say actually agonising, it is customary to restructure the pain by irritating and annoying one’s companions. In such situations, a person fully expects to be taunted, mocked, ragged and generally made the butt of some profoundly grating ongoing jibe. Those of us who do this sort of thing for a living assume that giving the other girl or guy a daily ration of humiliation raises their tolerance level and helps them endure physical pain. We get our poop in a pile and fling it in the faces of our companions for their own good. No one derives any pleasure out of this. (Okay, I lied. It’s really fun – unless, of course, you are the person becoming exasperated beyond measure.) Expedition members generally take turns at being the brunt of the joke.

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Medium 9781574411836

Next Year in Oberammergau

Robert Flynn University of North Texas Press PDF

Next Year in Oberammergau j

Winnie Wofford accompanied high school friends to Oklahoma to see the Easter Pageant that began at midnight and ended at dawn, and Winnie was so offended she never went to Oklahoma again. It had gotten bitterly cold in the hours between the baptism of Jesus and his arrest, and Millard Moore offered to share his blanket with her. She accepted because Millard went to the Chillicothe Baptist Church the same as she did.

However, crossing the state line had deranged Millard’s mind and he wanted to cross another line right when Judas betrayed

Jesus to torch-bearing Roman soldiers who arrested him. Jesus, that is.

She arrested Millard, or at least his intention. She told everyone in the car, she told her parents, she told the pastor, she told everyone in school that she had arrested Millard.

When they said she didn’t “arrest” him she went to college and returned to Chillicothe as an English teacher to prove that she did “arrest” him. And when Millard ran for the school board, and the city council, and when he was nominated as a deacon in the Baptist Church she told them again. Her only regret was that she didn’t have the police arrest him.

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Medium 9780615928272

Katie The Tarot Whisperer

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

therapy is always my first choice, but as my beloved therapist gave me her abracadabra, you’re mostly fixed seal of approval and sent me on my way almost a year ago, some dabbling in the ether from time to time helps me get through the indecision I am often gripped by.

And ether, I did enter.

My intent for this past year was to repair some of my faulty inner wiring, to try new things, to have my perspective shift so radically that rainbows would shoot out of unicorn heads and disintegrated the dark clouds that regularly hover in the periphery–if not directly over–my life. I wanted a glimpse at the mysteries of what drives us to slip out of bed and face each day. I wanted to know why I am here. I wanted to know how to make this life better.

Like a New Age Magnum P.I., I sought answers. My experiences weren’t exactly the stuff of A Fortune Teller Told Me or Eat, Pray, Have Sex with a Hot Brazilian in Bali. I don’t have that kind of world travel in my budget just yet. Instead,

I climbed to an old grove of oaks with David J of Bauhaus one afternoon and asked him all about spirits and God and what can be found in our hearts. I spent a weekend as an apprentice to a 1960’s LSD guru and psychotherapist, exploring my shadow side and discussing the ways in which to come to terms with all that is dark and murky inside of me. I consulted a medicine woman in regards to pains in my chest and she worked her magic, rattling and chanting the spirit of my wounded, dead ex right out of my psychic space. I sent scanned photos of my hands to a palm reader in Australia and read the two-page report over and over and over again, memorizing the clues. I drank enough kombucha to rebalance the friendly flora of an entire village to see if I could

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Medium 9781741795240

Blackout in Ushuaia

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Michelle Richmond’s books include the story collection The Girl in the Fall-Away Dress and the novel Dream of the Blue Room, which is set in China. Her stories and essays have appeared in Glimmer Train, Playboy, the San Francisco Chronicle and elsewhere. She lives in San Francisco and edits the online literary journal Fiction Attic.

At first glance it may seem that Ushuaia is sleeping, but in truth the city is fully awake, groping in the dark. It is seven-thirty on a Friday evening, rather early by the standards of this South American ski resort, the capital of Tierra del Fuego and the southernmost town in the world. Perched on the southern tip of Argentina, Ushuaia borders the frigid Beagle Channel and is backed by the awesome Andes. In the depths of winter it is a haven for serious ski bunnies from around the globe. By day, the steep mountains behind the town are dotted with veteran skiers; by night, the discos along San Martin serve overpriced alcoholic drinks to a young, disorderly crowd and pump out dance music so loudly one can feel the thunder in the floor, and one fears an avalanche. Winter in Ushuaia is also host to a number of grand events I’ve read about in my guidebook: the Longest Night National Party, the Snow Sculptors’ National Meeting and the much-anticipated End of the World Rally – the Stanley Cup of sledge dog racing.

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The Boat From Battambang

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Christopher R Cox is a feature reporter on the staff of the Boston Herald. He has survived Cambodia’s transport system on six trips for his newspaper and such magazines as Men’s Journal, Travel & Leisure and Reader’s Digest. He is the author of the adventure travel book Chasing the Dragon: Into the Heart of the Golden Triangle, about Burma’s narco-warlords, and can order cold beer in more than half a dozen languages. When not experiencing Third World gastro-intestinal distress, Christopher lives in Acton, Massachusetts.

The route from Battambang to Siem Reap makes a long sweep around the western shoreline of the Tonlé Sap, Southeast Asia’s largest lake, via kidney-rattling roads crowded with death-wish buses, overloaded lorries and plodding ox carts. In Cambodia, it’s an immutable fact that travel is 90 per cent perspiration and 10 per cent sheer terror. So it seemed a miracle when the Angkor Express Boat Company promised to whisk me from Battambang down the Sangke River and across the Tonlé Sap to Angkor’s doorstep in just five hours – half the time I’d spend on a sweltering, crowded bus fretting about an impending head-on collision.

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Medium 9781741795240

Something Approaching Enlightenment

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Rolf Potts is the author of Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel. His travel writing has appeared in Condé Nast Traveler, National Geographic Adventure, Salon.com, The Best American Travel Writing 2000 and numerous Lonely Planet anthologies. Though he keeps no permanent address, he tends to linger in Thailand, Argentina, rural Kansas and France, where he is the summertime writer-in-residence at the Paris American Academy. His online home is www.rolfpotts.com.

For weeks after returning from my ill-fated journey to the Indian Himalayan village of Kaza, I had difficulty explaining to people why I’d wanted to go there in the first place. Sometimes I’d claim it had something to do with the Dalai Lama – though someone would always point out, correctly, that the Dalai Lama lived in the Tibetan exile capital at Dharamsala, not in some obscure mountain outpost several days in the other direction.

I had no easy answer to this seeming discrepancy. Granted, the Dalai Lama was reputed to travel to Kaza once each summer – but I’d gone there in the winter. And while rumour had it that the Dalai Lama planned to spend his twilight years in a monastery just up the valley from Kaza, the famous Tibetan holy man was nowhere near retirement at the time of my visit. In the end, I suppose my decision to gain an understanding of the Dalai Lama by going where he didn’t live was grounded in a vague fear of disappointment – a fear that (as with other religious destinations I’d visited in India, such as Varanasi and Rishikesh) Dharamsala had become so popular with other Western travellers that any spiritual epiphanies I found there would feel forced and generic.

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The Afghan Tourist Office

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Alexander Ludwick was born in Seattle, Washington, and lived for several years in Guatemala as a child. He supports his travels by working part-time on a fish-processing boat in Alaska, though he would like to go to university someday. He enjoys travelling to remote and isolated destinations, and especially likes visiting Islamic countries and meeting their hospitable people. His next trip is to Haiti. This is his first national publication.

I rode in a yellow taxi towards Kabul International Airport, where I had been told the tourist office was located. It was November 2004, and I needed an extension on my Afghanistan visa. To get it I required a letter of support from the tourist office, which was well out of the centre of Kabul. On the way there the driver had to stop and ask directions at a shop, but finally we pulled to a stop in front of a run-down building that looked like an old schoolhouse. I paid the driver and walked through the gate.

Inside the perimeter was a guard’s post full of teenage soldiers who jumped out and started gibbering at me, asking questions in Dari that I did my best to answer. One of them took my hand to shake it and refused to let go, no matter how hard I tried to pull away, all the while smiling and asking unintelligible questions. I kept repeating the word ‘tourist’, and finally he pointed to a man who was sitting at a desk in the middle of a patch of dirt in front of a building.

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Medium 9780615928272

The Geography Of Uncool:Public Transportation

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

possibility; romance, adventure and a microscopic carbon footprint. A winning situation for me and the entire world.

To psych myself up, I thought back to several years ago when I watched Amelie every single night for an entire month in an attempt to revive my faith in love. I figured that if I watched the film often and with the naïvely optimistic, rose-tinted eyes of someone far enough away from the obliteration of heartbreak, that I’d somehow manifest some osmotic boot- knocking. Or something like that. Of course, what made the movie a complete romantic masterpiece wasn’t solely the onscreen presence of the lovely miss

Audrey Tautou or hottie Mathieu Kassovitz and their muchanticipated kiss on her doorstep, but the element of mystery, adventure and hip-quotient that Paris’ public transportation system and its depots seem to exude.

The idea of a chance encounter with a potential mate in the middle of criss-crossing strangers at a bus or train station or while daydreaming out the window, rolling swiftly toward a destination is one that I’d argue most of us have entertained at least once in our lifetimes.

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