83 Slices
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Medium 9781741795240

An Award-Winning Performance

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Deborah Steg took her first transatlantic trip when she was two months old. Since then she has been smitten with a passion to travel. She lives in New York City.

As I was walking along the Croisette towards the far end of the Bay of Cannes, I noticed a large crowd in the distance resembling a beehive surrounded by worker bees. It was a balmy spring afternoon at the height of the Cannes Film Festival, and the sun was just starting to set. The sky was a deep cerulean blue with ribbons of white clouds streaked across the horizon. This location seemed too far from the centre of town for a photo shoot or celebrity interview, and as I approached I realised that it was just locals and tourists dressed casually and gathered curiously around the aftermath of an accident. Rather than styled and coiffed celebrities, there were several policemen on the scene and a large tow truck that was blocking the lane that led back to the centre of town.

Somehow I knew I would find my mother in the mêlée – and there she was, chatting to a very distressed looking Claudia Schiffer doppelganger. She didn’t even notice me come up behind her. From what I could piece together from overhearing the eyewitnesses’ accounts to the police, a car had come careening down the Croisette too fast and hit one of the parked cars, a white Mercedes-Benz that was now parked kerbside and looked like its driver’s side had been used in a crash test. The other vehicle, a Fiat, had not fared as well. The car had flipped over upon impact and looked like a large sardine can.

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Medium 9780615928272

I Feel Hurt When You Are An Asshole

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

Unfortunately, there are people in this world that believe– deep down in their indigo-shaded tie-dyed souls–that they are effective communicators. What these people don’t realize is that they are crazy.

Take wannabe Nonviolent Communication devotees, for instance. And also, people who are sociopaths.

The premise seems harmless enough: Nonviolent Communication is a self-righteous cult-like language style that supposedly facilitates the flow of communication needed to exchange information and resolve differences peacefully. It also claims to help focus attention on compassion as a motivating factor, instead of guilt, blame, fear or shame. In some cases, it helps people to own their feelings. This, I appreciate. I always own the shit out of my feelings, and sometimes everyone else’s feelings, too. Growing up in an obscenely large dysfunctional family molded me into a loyal codependent. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

The framework of Nonviolent Communication adds a lot of unnecessary words to sentences, though, and can chew up anywhere from four to thirty-five minutes of any given day.

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Medium 9781741795240

A Special Kind of Fool

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Bill Fink is a freelance writer based in San Francisco. He is a regular contributor to the San Francisco Chronicle and a variety of regional and international publications. More of his true tales of stupidity can be seen at www.geocities.com/billfink2004. He is currently working on a book about his year of basketball-themed misadventures in the Philippines entitled Dunked in Manila.

According to a Japanese saying, there are two kinds of fools: those who have never climbed Mt Fuji, and those who have climbed it more than once.

I didn’t want to be either kind of fool, so I decided to climb the mountain once, and to do it right.

As a college exchange student in Japan, I had been studying the language for six months. So I was able to translate – a little – when I saw a Japanese TV segment showing jolly people climbing gentle, well-marked paths up the mountain: ‘Something-something-something Mt Fuji something-something walking something-something this spring.’

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Medium 9781741795240

The Sights of Prague

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Danny Wallace is a comedy writer and producer. He has written two books, Join Me and Yes Man, both of which are currently being adapted for film. He recently wrote and starred in his own BBC2 TV series, and lives in London with a girl and no cats.

You can call it whatever you like.

You can call it a hunch. You can call it instinct. Some might call it a well-honed eye for detail, carved by experience and years on the road – while others might go so far as to call it some kind of secret sixth sense.

But let me tell you, I knew something wasn’t right about my trip to Prague when the stranger who picked me up at the airport reached under the front seat of the car and pulled out a semiautomatic machine gun.

‘It is Uzi 9mm!’ he said, grinning at me in that special way that only men holding Uzi 9mms so often do. ‘It is good, solid. But… dangerous.’

I nodded, and tried a vague smile. To be honest, I’d already guessed that an Uzi 9mm was probably a bit dangerous, despite the fact that I’d never seen one before, let alone been shown one by a bald Eastern European in a car. Maybe I do have a sixth sense, after all.

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Medium 9781574411836

Redemption

Robert Flynn University of North Texas Press PDF

Redemption j

Kyle wasn’t ugly. He wasn’t dumb. He wasn’t disliked. He wasn’t anything. That was the problem; Kyle wanted to be someone. He yearned to be admired. What did he have to do to be noticed?

He perfected a dumb look to elicit laughter from classmates when asked a question but no one looked when he did it. The only time he acted up in class he said, “Take advantage of it.”

Cloyce was the only one who heard him and Cloyce repeated it real loud. Everyone looked at Cloyce and laughed, even Miss

Baine who had never smiled at Kyle. They talked about it for days.

Kyle was noticed sometimes but not the way he wanted. He was tall and thin as a shadow so others dubbed him “Slats.” His mother slipped grease into his food causing his nose to erupt in snow capped volcanoes inviting others to tag him “Kilimanjaro.”

He was the last in school to lose the pompadour because long stringy hair was not acceptable at home or school. When he cut his hair short and parted it on the side a tuft stuck up in the back challenging classmates to pull it and crow like a rooster.

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Medium 9781935362593

Mr. Bobbins, Act II

Julia Icenogle Kansas City Star Quilts ePub

Curiousity kills the cat…
err, Mr. Bobbins.

In a moment of weakness, Mr. Bobbins considers reading the quilt magazine, little knowing the power he was about to unleash.

Pattern in hand, Mr. Bobbins takes his first solo journey into a quilt shop.

As it turns out, engineers make good quilters. Who knew?

For Mr. Bobbins, the risk of being discovered was part of the thrill of quilting.

Mr. Bobbins avoids discovery with the old trains-in-the-basement ruse.

A complicated quilt pattern has Mr. Bobbins calling for help. Unfortunately, the hotline connects to his wife’s cell phone.

Mr. Bobbins’ secret quilt is discovered.

The problems of a two-quilter household.

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Medium 9781741795240

Real Cowboys Wear Polka Dots

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Judy Tierney took a year-long sabbatical from corporate America to travel through Africa, India, Southeast Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Her current work as a freelance consultant allows her the flexibility to continue to explore and write about her adventures. Her work has appeared in Backpacker magazine, the Dallas Morning News, the Denver Post, the Atlanta Journal Constitution and on www.travelerstales.com. A Texas native, she now resides in San Francisco.

‘I reckon we oughta get a move on’, Jeff said, finishing the last few bites of his three-alarm tacos – a mixture of scrambled eggs, potatoes, cheese, jalapenos and chipotle sauce wrapped in flour tortillas. Back at home in San Francisco Jeff started the day with sourdough toast and jam, but he casually wiped his eyes and nose with a napkin as if he were used to eating peppers for breakfast. He emptied his glass of water in one big gulp and then reached across the table for mine.

As we left Austin’s Magnolia Café, Jeff waved at our bighaired, blonde waitress.

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Medium 9781574411836

Ten Mistakes that God Has Made

Robert Flynn University of North Texas Press PDF

Ten Mistakes that

God Has Made j

Haskell Gatewood, an evangelist of the Southern Baptist persuasion came to Chillicothe for a revival. After a tour of the churches, school, water tower, and cemetery—the cemetery had the most people in it—he pitched his tent, ready to save folks from sin, sickness, disease, doubt, and Democrats.

Brother Haskell put his tent where downtown used to be, before the general store migrated to Electra, and gathered a crowd by declaring a week of preaching on “Ten Mistakes That

God Has Made.” A sermon on one of God’s mistakes each night of the week and two sermons on the Alpha and Omega Sundays. A large crowd showed up for the meeting, many of the people bringing their own lists of God’s mistakes.

Brother Haskell said the first mistake God made was giving himself too many names. “God” was easy to remember, easy to pronounce, and easy to spell. When God went beyond that, He made a major mistake. Was it Yahweh or Jehovah? No one seemed to know. Those other names, Immanuel, Incarnation,

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Medium 9781741795240

You Ain’t Seen Nuthin’ Yet

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Sean Condon is the author of three travelogues, Sean & David’s Long Drive, Drive Thru America and My ’Dam Life, as well as the novel Film and the humour collection The Secret of Success is a Secret. He currently lives in Melbourne, Australia.

‘You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!’ I supposed that was true enough – we were just a few miles out of the station in Springfield, Massachusetts, on a highway heading towards Vermont – and we hadn’t seen anything you could really call spectacular. ‘Don’t even bother looking out the window, ‘cause you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!’ This was my Uncle Bill, behind the wheel, giving the orders, telling me what I hadn’t seen. What I had not seen so far was a large, crystal-blue lake, lots of trees and the occasional majestic hill with an exclusive girls’ school on top – the usual stuff you don’t see just outside many small cities in northeast America. The thing was, I’d just come from a week in Manhattan, and I liked what I wasn’t seeing. It seemed an eternity since I’d been surrounded by anything other than snarling traffic, looming skyscrapers and impenetrable clubs with majestic girls inside.

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Medium 9780615928272

Go Big, Go Redwood

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

In the early and mid nineties, I became loosely involved with some regional environmental activism. I attended

Earthfirst! meetings, read Green Anarchy literature, traveled hours to block logging roads, listened to Judi Bari speak and read my first-born The Lorax at least twenty times a day. I boycotted companies that owned stock in Pacific Lumber. I used cloth diapers that I washed myself. I switched my focus from psychology to environmental studies in community college. I started hanging out with a lot of pagans, anarchists and tree sitters. I left nasty notes on business’s garbage bins if I saw recyclables piling over. I wasn’t your typical treehugger, though; I usually sat out of the contact-love, opting instead to observe the misguided hippies embracing trees in the pouring rain, their large paper-mâché tree spirit puppets dissolving at their feet. Through it all, something about threatened old- growth redwoods, my role as a new parent and my disgust with the global corporate entity gave me a sense of purpose: to dismantle the whole system and, of course, to commune with the trees.

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Medium 9780615928272

Eminem Sex Dreams Decoded

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

We discuss politics, genetic engineering and needle exchange programs. He invites me to a private screening of a factory farming documentary back at his San Francisco hotel room. Tugging at his baggy trousers, he leads me out of the bar.

Back at the hotel, his passionate rant about dismantling the racist prison industrial complex lures me, without hesitation, into the hotel bed, which is stacked with handmade quilts. “I made those myself,” he says.

Eminem is a closet quilter. I am so putting out.

He’s just aggressive enough to keep me pleased without hurting me in ways that I don’t want to be hurt. His hands are smooth and strong, save for the calluses where the mic is usually firmly grasped. But on this night, my night of an unbridled sexcapade, tangled up in Eminem’s hand-sewn rag quilts, the only thing in his hand is my body. Every single naughty bit of it.

As the sun rises, he serves the best organic orange juice ever and asks if I can stay another night. “I have season four of

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Medium 9781935362593

Cats

Julia Icenogle Kansas City Star Quilts ePub

Mrs. Bobbins likes the challenge that her cats bring to her quilting.

“What do you have that will look good with cat hair on it?”

“This has got to be the worst possible time for a hot flash.”

“Well, I guess cat hair is technically a natural fiber…”

Batting Battles

“Dear, next time you’re spray basting in here, lock the cat up in another room.”

“Careful, Fluffy. Unlike you, this machine still has its claws.”

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Medium 9781741795240

Wangara’s Cross

Lonely Planet Lonely Planet ePub

Joshua Clark, founder of Light of New Orleans Publishing, contributes fiction, travel and photography to various US publications, from the Los Angeles Times to the Miami Herald. He is also the associate editor for Scat magazine. An oyster-eating champion, certified personal trainer and retired bartender, Joshua was raised in Washington, DC, got a somewhat irrelevant economics degree from Yale University, lived in Spain, Australia and Argentina, and now resides in New Orleans.

There is a part of the Simpson Desert in Central Australia where day is split clean into red and blue, earth and sky, with only bone-white trees between the two. And dusk is the same as dawn. The small leafless trees reach like hands, the branches fingers grasping for sky, silhouetted against the red above the horizon. Above the red is a strip of orange and above that canary yellow and pastel blue which gets deeper, then darker overhead, until it’s black against clouds of stars you can’t see in the Northern Hemisphere. It was below those stars and between those trees that my overturned ’74 panel van lay hulking against the red horizon.

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Medium 9780615928272

Buying Time

Dani Burlison Petals & Bones Press PDF

DANI BURLISON

nestled herself to sleep in my arms and came running and sobbing with skinned knees and gravel-embedded palms is not a little girl anymore. At all. Instead of climbing on my shoulders to see through the crowds we sometimes find ourselves in, she stands nearly eye-to-eye with me, wearing my clothes and make-up. As a parent, I have accepted and even come to cherish the constant changes in my kids and the stages of development they weave in and out of. But I also more-recently realized, with much less confidence, that someday in the not so distant future, this little girl who is quickly becoming a woman is going to fall in love, have sex and quite likely going to have her heart-broken.

Now, upon this realization, all of my self-righteous ideas of raising strong, ass-kicking, take-no-shit, tough-as-nails, sexually-liberated feminist daughters immediately switched to fear and dissipated. I managed to keep my anxiety underwraps for the most part and expressed it casually at first, with my sweaty palms shoved firmly into my pockets. I’d hint, nonchalantly, that “eh- boys, shmoyz: you’ve got the rest of your life to deal with them. They actually take a lot of time and patience to deal with. You should focus on your art and get your math grades up first. Spend more time with your friends instead of worrying about them.” Eventually, however, I found myself desperate with a sense of control that I had never imagined and began, with much neurosis and embarrassment, to offer my sweet teenage daughter, cold hard cash to avoid relationships all together.

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Medium 9781935362593

World Events

Julia Icenogle Kansas City Star Quilts ePub

Mrs. Bobbins likes to keep up on what’s happening in the world, and sometimes a little quilt flair sneaks in!

“3 minutes, 23 seconds…and she’s on pace to shatter the Olympic record!”

Doing her part to stimulate the economy, Mrs. Bobbins engages in another wild night of online shopping.

“I’ll vote for any candidate that supports my right to carry a concealed seam ripper.”

The year the Quilt Guild was in charge of the Westridge precinct.

“YES, WE DID!”

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